I often spend a lot of time with women working on their romantic relationships and how to manifest that ideal guy into their life. These women come to me with all sorts of different back stories but this is one worth reading about. I asked if I could share her story on love. It is all too common. I will call her Sharon.
Sharon hired me as her coach to support her through a career transition. Little did we know, 8 months and a rocket-launch career transformation later, we would continue working together on something much, much bigger: LOVE. Outsiders would have thought that Sharon had it all: the big fancy career, clothes, car and all the money she could ever dream of. What they didn’t know was that Sharon was suffering from a lack of love. After the breakdown of her most recent romantic relationship, Sharon was catapulted into a deep dark ocean where she could barely tread water.
Sharon began holing herself up in her loft apartment, not going out after work, declining all invitations and having too-long marathons of Dexter. She described happiness as a fleeting feeling that left as soon as it had arrived. She told me she had a false sense of what she wanted from life when she had hired me. She and I worked through this short-lived depression and eventually she met Bill. This is not the “happily ever after” point. Sharon still continued to struggle. She hadn’t actually addressed the real problem yet.
Bill was gentle and kind and really cared for Sharon, but she kept feeling like she didn’t know what to do with him. She described her feelings as confusion and insecurity. During one coaching conversation, she broke down. She had been resisting this beautiful partnership and couldn’t understand why it was so hard. She felt like she could barely tread water again, the same water that she had plunged into before.
I finally asked Sharon, “Do you think you deserve something so good?” Up until this point, Sharon had not even considered the underlying concept of being deserving. Her short answer was no. She was afraid and all she had known was abuse, conflict and people leaving her. She had actually fostered and nurtured the belief that she didn’t deserve anything better. Together, we found out that she had an even longer history of people using her than just her relationship status had demonstrated, and because of this, she had attracted people who didn’t want to love her and repelled the people who did.
Sharon still thanks me for this conversation, which ran well over two hours. It was in those moments that we were able to reverse the flow of energy (and people) and she was able to redefine how she sees herself in a loving relationship. Since that day, Sharon has been breaking old habits and creating new patterns for herself. They’re full of love, light and honesty. Because everyone deserves to love, even if that means they have to tread water for a while first.
I was witness to Sharon and Bill being married this past weekend. That was the Happily Ever After point.
“We accept the love we think we deserve.” ~Stephen Chbosky
Heidi is a Certified Life Coach, supporting gutsy women through times of transition and periods of being royally stuck in dissatisfaction. She also practices Social Work at a local community hospital emergency department. It is her endless toolbox of resources and her loving kick-in-the-rear encouragement that keep people coming back for more! When she’s not meeting with people and building her tribe, both on and offline, you can often find her on the couch with a glass of wine, reality TV remote in hand and chocolate colored puppy at her feet.